I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
