College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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