I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
