State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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