Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
