oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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