I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize