where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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