sorry about calling you the devil all night.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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