He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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