anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
