I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
