Jerry, you need to find god
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize