Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
