so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
