I cannot find my penis.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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