saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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