I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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