one might say we're banned from that church
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
