I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
