i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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