if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
