What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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