as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
