whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
