you told grandpa to call you daddy
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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