So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
