The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
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