Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
