i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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