Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I will die if light touches me.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
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