i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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