i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
