How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
sex in a hospital.. check
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
