I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
