Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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