It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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