THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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