please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
