I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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