Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
