i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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