she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
