I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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