She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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