I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
