Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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