are you still at the devil's house?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
