Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Verdict: uncircumcised.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
