I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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