Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
