I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
