dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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