A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
