Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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