I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Come on in and take your pants off
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