2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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