She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
