you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
