I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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