I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
