I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
