Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
