I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
