maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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