she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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