I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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