12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
