Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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