in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
that may or may not have been my penis.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
