Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Green mimosas i think yes
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
