Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
