Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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