my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
being pregnant is like rehab
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
