someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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