it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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