Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
