I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
