I'm so fucking centered right now
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
