eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
