I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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