things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
